Connor has been such a blessing to our family. He is a busy little guy who bring us so much joy. A few months ago we started thinking he could use a sister. He always wants someone to play with. We went on vacation at Christmas to Disney World and had a fantastic time together and just looked and him and could see that he needed someone his age to share life with. To run and play and laugh together the way only brothers and sisters do. We just didn't want him to miss out on that in his life.
We had taken the Dispicable me movie to watch on our trip. Who can not watch that movie with those sweet little orphan girls and not want to give one a home? I felt like one thing after the next was put in front of us about adoption. We had to wonder, was God moving us in that direction? Our kids didn't need to be asked twice. They have always thought a sister would be wonderful!
I happen to listen to the radio station Klove. There is so much music that is convicting. Doug says that is why he listens to sports!! Chris Thomlin's song, " I will follow", and "Our God". are two of my favorites. Doug was moved during church one Sunday by a powerful song. Matthew West, "My own Little World"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvSwcMp9vU4. He asked me what he was supposed to get from this song? We decided to go to dinner and discuss if we should adopt domestically or go to China again. We had pretty much come to the end of our discussion with no real answer when a family came and filled a large table next to us. You guessed it, a family of four biological children and two adopted from China. We just had to laugh!
We did take a look at foster to adopt but it didn't seem like a good fit so we filled out our China adoption application. I must admit we still didn't rush in to the paperwork. We didn't feel like we had complete direction from God on this whole thing. If you know Connor at all you know he is energetic! Were we doing the right thing? I filled out just enough paperwork to get us on the waiting child (special needs) list. The non special needs lists would take too many years. We didn't share this adventure early on because this process can take so long and we wanted to know we were doing the right thing for our family without being influenced by others. It is a huge step to take and God has been so faithful. I hope my telling of the story can do it justice. Just know we see God in many little things.
We went to church one Sunday morning and I was still wrestling with this whole thing. Doug was fully on board and there was no looking back. I on the other hand wasn't so sure. I was busy gathering papers but was this the right thing. I know what life is like now. It's busy but it's good. I am comfortable here. I don't know what it will be like to add another little one to the mix. Travel to China again was not really something I want to do. The jetlag is a killer for me Safe and comfortable at home works for me to be real honest! So, at church I was moved by another song. I can't recall it and need to go back and listen to the sermon again to fill in a few blanks in my mind. Our pastor was talking about our church moving and building a building and moving from the place we had been for 10 years. He talked about how some people won't want to move because they like where we are. It is safe and comfortable and familiar. We won't know what to expect in the new place. Basically, God is moving from HERE to THERE and He has a plan. For me, sitting there that day, what he was saying couldn't have been less about a building. It was God telling me that I may be comfortable here but he is sending be there. Kind of like being hit by a brick!! I won't know what to expect over there and life will be different but my God isn't sending me alone. He will walk with me every step of the way! ~ So all was good! I finally knew we where doing the right thing!
Our agency had told the that the list of families on the waiting child list was short. I really didn't know exactly what that ment. Was short 3 or 75? She wouldn't be specific. I was only told VERY short. A friend told me there were 11 families on the list. I was told our agency was starting a program helping place children from 5 orphanages though their adoption agency and I got the feeling this is where our girl would come from.
We started looking at listing of children through other agencies trying to find our girl and came across a little one with a heart issue. Was she ours? I contacted the agency and she was available but her papers were to be returned to China that very day at 7pm. We didn't know what to do and went ahead and locked her file so we could pray about it. Before locking her file I had asked our agency if they could get her file and they were going to watch for it. The next morning I sat down at the computer to read the email from the new agency and all of the things needed to actually pursue this little one and something was just telling me it wasn't right. We had originally decided to let the file go but at the last minute locked it in but something wasn't right about it. I contacted the new agency and told them that we couldn't go through with it. We had to let her go. We were trying to do the work of God and it was not ours to do. He had a plan and we needed to wait. It was so hard to walk away but it was the right thing to do. We were only to trust and follow.
This was on May 5th, Connor's 3 year gotcha' day. My parents were visiting and things were busy as usual! I recieved a call from my agency telling me that because I had locked that file with another agency we would not be able to lock it again. China rule. She asked if I was OK with that. I was completely fine because I knew there was another family planned for that little one. She went on to say if we were ready to move on she had a referral for us. ~~No way! I could not believe what I was hearing.
